just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
