I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
