Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
