Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
