Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you are never too drunk for berry picking
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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