dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My hand turned me down
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
