he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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