I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
