lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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