Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Ketchup is God's man juice
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
