I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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