Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize