whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize