I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
