one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I touched a dick in church today
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
