Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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