All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
