you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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