...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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