somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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