Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Never joke about your clitoris.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
