At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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