she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
