i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
