Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
