This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
