So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
