Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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