seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
