What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I supernannyed him into submission
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
