He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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