You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
