Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
