we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize