Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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