dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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