I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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