Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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