as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
