we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize