and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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