At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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