im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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