last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
