Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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