oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
