drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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