Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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