Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
