Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
