the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
