Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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