Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just blew my weed a kiss
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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