She even gives head with a lisp.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
