she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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