why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
