I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize