Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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