It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
