My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
