I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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