I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
