I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The uberlube is also flammable
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
