It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
