Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
