I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
