I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
