once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
