I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
