Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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