I accidentally had phone sex last night
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
