fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
