no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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