She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
