I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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