mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
