You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
