meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
