You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
