How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
