Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
