i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
