It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
