as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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